The REAL wrong turn, according to Everybody

So maybe I'm feeling particularly shitty because I woke up this morning and discovered that our kinda sick-looking, half-paralyzed Beta fish died overnight.  He was stuck head-down into the gravel at the bottom of the tank, like his last act in life was trying to bury himself.  Since Mommy is in charge of human and animal health in the house and the buck stops with me, it's my damn fault the  thing died.  Don't try to tell me otherwise.  Of course, the 2-year-old lost interest in the thing weeks ago and so has not noticed the missing fish, but Hubby got a little upset that we (I) had managed to kill a living thing.  It's not a good day when you're flushing dead fish down the shitter before your 1st cup of coffee (that I had to drink with skim milk instead of homogenized because we're out of homogenized, blech.  That's like adding white water to your coffee or worse, coffeemate).

So, good morning, it's time to change a diaper, flush a pretty but dead fish down the shitter and then drink your yucky white-water coffee.  Have an awesome day.

This is on the day when I have to host/attend this cocktail event thingy that I have NO motivation to go to.  The one that I got roped into because facts were either withheld or underplayed when it was presented to me, and I can't find enough bitchiness inside me to quit because I've never quit anything I've given my word to...  You know, the kind of group project that everybody but you and 1 other person thinks is super great, and you and the other person think it's lame and bitch about it all the way home after every meeting?  This cocktail thingy is being blown out of all reasonable proportion, there's a powerpoint presentation involved and decorations, food and drink, all for about 20 people that I don't know, and the group is all like giddy, and like "did you practice your portion of the powerpoint?" and I'm thinking, no, I did not practice presenting 20 minutes of statistics to 20 strangers because I'm used to speaking for, like, 3 days on end with people I'm supposed to teach, guide, mentor and be a Role Model to in the name of a national federation with a multi-million dollar budget and thousands of members.  Plus, I think the whole thing is pretty lame and can't be bothered.  The Latina Girl and I both think so and can't wait for the whole thing to be over and done with.

Today and the f'ing cocktail is same day that Hubby knows about since nearly 5 weeks ago.  The day he was supposed to help me out and go get The Son from Grandma's house because I'm not available, and then booked a business dinner, informing me of it two days ago.  That's after I went and told The Aunt that I didn't need her to babysit today, because he'd be at Grandma's house and Hubby was picking him up.  Now there's a whole logistics thing where Hubby will bring Auntie the car seat at work, and Auntie will pick The Son up and bring him home, but only if Grandma already gave him dinner, all this when Auntie is notoriously late all the time and will probably not show up at Grandma's when she is supposed to, and then Grandma will tell me all about it on the phone tomorrow...

That's not really the point.  The point is that SAHMs (Stay At Home Moms) are very, very dismissible, according to Everybody.  I'm told either that I'm exaggerating, that I'm not the first person to go through this and to suck it up, or that others have Jobs and so everything must be forgiven because they Work.  At Jobs.  Real ones. 

Show up 2 hours later than you were supposed to, and don't call to let the SAHM know?  That's OK, according to Everybody, because Mom is at home and doesn't really have a 'set schedule' or 'real commitments'.  Because things like nap times, meal times, snack times, appointments, meetings and promises to 2-year-olds don't count as important scheduley things nor commitments.

Say you'll babysit and then cancel the night before (nonchalantly and unapologetic)?  Everybody thinks that it's OK, because, really, what kind of serious, important plans would the mother of a 2-year-old have when she's counting on her only day off in a week (or more)?  A mother doesn't Work at a Job so she can do whatever unimportant crap she had planned for that day any other day.  Because the 16 things you get done alone in 1 day will get done just as quickly with your toddler in tow, including that wax appointment at the salon you can't bring him to.  Duh, who doesn't know that?

Do you, as a SAHM, have things like 'feelings' and 'frustration'?  Oh, no, I guess it really sucks to be you.  Because you CHOSE to stay at home, you see, so you have to shut up and swallow that choice for the rest of your life.  Of course being a mom is the 'most important' and 'toughest' job in the world, absolutely.  No one disputes that.  They just don't want to hear you whine about stuff like you wanting to cry every time The Son asks you to sing that song, because you've sang that song 125000 times already this week.  Or when you just want to talk about how you didn't realize caring for another human being day in, day out, would be the most bone-wearing you'd ever do (shout out here to all those who care for another human being in their homes 24 hours a day, young or old).   That was your choice, now suck it up and don't bore anyone with the details.

And do please try to tell your face and attitude that you are a happy person, because you've been kind of bitchy lately, quite frankly.  I mean, it's not like when he was a baby, when it was really tough and you deserved repsect and offers of help.  Like back when he was sleeping 18 hours a day with 2 naps a day and could stay in a pack in play while you showered and emptied the dishwasher.  Things are breeze now that he's 2, can open child-proof cabinets, walks, runs, climbs, jumps and wants to 'help you' do everything from folding clothes (which he rumples into a ball and throws on the floor) to washing countertops (screaming when I don't let him have the toxic spray-bottle of soapy-soap I'm using) to vaccuming the carpet (he only vaccums sections of about 6 inches at a time).  He also requires full-time, full-eyes-on supervision all the time, or constant entertainment in the form of play, crafts, music, reading books, going to the playground, playing outside in the yard, running races, being pulled in his wagon, being pushed in his stroller, keeping his hands off of the stupid candy displays at arm's reach at all the check-out cash lanes in every store, meals, baths, boo-boo kissing, etc.  And he's not really napping anymore, so full-time, awake-time duty for a SAHM with a toddler (as opposed to that quiet, sleeping and immobile baby) goes from 7:00am to 8:00pm.  Yeah, but he sleeps nights, doesn't he?  So what are you complaining about?

What?  Daytime activities, you ask?  There are no organized daytime activities for toddlers.  Daytime is for daycare, Everybody knows that.  Everybody expects toddlers over the age of 18m to be handed over those overworked, underpaid, under-appreciated, under-funded and (too often) under-trained and under-motivated daycare workers.  I see them at work, in the playgrounds and fun centers and when they are walking their inmates in a chain-gang with their little orange jumpsuits pinnies on.  I see them stare blankly off into to space while they push a bored-looking toddler in the swings, who looks at us in envy while The Son is giddy with mirth because I pretend to munch on his toes with my hands every time he swings toward me.  That's the difference, you see, between a well-intended but underpaid and under-appreciated stranger and an unpaid and under-appreciated mother.  Toe-munching and laughter vs. blank stares and boredom.  But that is also why the mothers are so f'ing tired all the time - we're on for 12-13 hours a day non-stop, but we put so much more goddam heart and effort into it.

Now give the job and the person doing it a little more goddam respect, willya?  'Cause Mother's Day was just  2 days ago and is already a distant memory.